The Blind Leading The Blind [Draft 1] {short story}

This is the first story i’ve ever finished. It’s dedicated to my sweetheart. RIP.

Karapet Malyan was running late. He never was late. As the assistant to the Prime Minister of Armenia, he couldn’t afford to be late. Prime Minister Gurgen Ananyan’s final months as the Armenian head of state were approaching, and no one was more thankful of that than his faithful assistant. He spent 7 days a week planning and executing with precision the every action and need of the most powerful man in the country.

Karapet opened the PM’s front door; he could tell he was late by the smirks on the faces of the two men from the security team. He didn’t even think about the fact that he didn’t recognize either one of them. ‘I’m going to hear about this for the next week,’ Karapet thought to himself as he jogged up the stairs, skipping two at a time. Just before knocking on the PM’s bedroom door; he stopped to catch his breath and straighten his collar; his watch said 9:02 am.

“You’re late, Malyan,” Gurgen said in his usual commanding voice as he swung the door open. His loyal assistant didn’t even get a chance to knock.

“Yes, I’m sorry sir. It won’t happen again.”

“It better not. Have you got my agenda?”

Karapet nodded, and pulled the folder out of the briefcase. Gurgen snatched it from him and then slammed the door in his face.

The Prime Minister thumbed through the agenda on the way to the bathroom. That day was the 5 year anniversary of the completion of The National Trade Center, which was instrumental in setting up Gurgen’s political career. In honor of this, a beautiful Botanical Garden was built; and he was scheduled to give a speech there this afternoon. The only worry on the mind of the Prime Minister at that point was whether or not the media what put a positive spin on the protesters. The way Gurgen saw it, every political figure on the planet had to deal with dissidents of some kind.

He set the folder down on his desk, and went into the bathroom to shower and relieve himself. The hot water of the shower felt good as it pounded against the stress sweat from the day before. While in the shower, he could have swore he heard a loud thud; but of course thought nothing of it. Once he finished rinsing off, he got out, dried off and put on his white fluffy robe that said “PM” in cursive over the heart. As he wiped the steam off of the mirror, he felt pride in what he was able to accomplish. He smiled at the blue letters and started brushing his teeth.

The sound of someone banging on the bedroom door was barely audible; but when the banging moved to the bathroom door, it startled Gurgen so much he dropped his toothbrush into the toilet. Furious, and with a mouth full of toothpaste, he attempted to curse Karapet for scaring him; but was unsuccessful. In the time it took Gurgen to spit, the bathroom door was literally in splinters, and a very large man dressed in all black tactical gear grabbed the Prime Minister by his arms and very violently drug him into the bedroom and threw him to the ground. The large man was then joined by a smaller man, and they began punching and kicking him in the face and body, until he finally lost consciousness.

The bleeding and unconscious Head of State was awaken by water being thrown in his face. He scanned the room in a confused daze. To his left was his wife, Margarid, and his two daughters, Lucine and Nazani; and to his right was Karapet. All five of them had their hands zip-tied to their chairs. It looked like Karapet had tried to put up a fight, because his face literally had boot prints on it.

Gurgen’s face and chest hurt, but he was a pretty tough cookie. His family, on the other hand, had known nothing but an easy life of luxury; and they were loosing their minds. Margarid’s shoulders and torso were going up and down in unison with her sobs. Her makeup was completely smeared down her face and there was a long string of snot slowly descending onto the carpet; which shook back and forth like a backup dancer for this full on breakdown. The youngest, Lucine, was 11, and she was crying as well; but she was more in shock. Gurgen’s eldest, Nazani, 15, had wet cheeks; but she had more of her father in her, and was doing her best to have a tough face. When she saw he was conscious, she attempted to call him, but couldn’t because of the gag in her mouth. That’s when Gurgen realized that he was the only one that wasn’t gagged.

There were 4 intruders, and it appeared that two of them were females. They were all standing at attention in a line while the leader paced back and forth. He appeared to be thinking. “Please,” Gurgen said to the apparent leader, “tell me what you want.” Instead of replying, the leader just took three big steps and hit the PM with a vicious hey-maker to the face; the children subsequently cried harder. Gurgen spit out blood and broken pieces of teeth onto the floor. His ears were ringing and he had a little bit of tunnel vision. The power of the punch brought Karapet back to consciousness. He instantly began to struggle with his restraints and attempted to yell at the captors through the sock that was taped in his mouth. This made a few of the Henchmen laugh.

Once Gurgen’s head stopped ringing, he was able to tell the leader that Nazani hit harder than him. Of course, the taunt only brought down a hail of punches to his head, face and torso. When the leader got tired, he stepped back. Margarid just looked at her husband in amazement. She had never seen him like this. So helpless. It broke her heart. She began to try talking through her gag, to get the leader’s attention.

“Marge! Stop it!” Gurgen yelled at his wife, “You don’t say a word!”

This actually made the leader laugh. He approached Margarid very slowly, and bent down so that his face right in front of hers; and he very calmly brought his pointer finger up to lips. Something about this man scared Margarid, down to her core. She cowered like a mouse, and put her head back down. Deep down, she knew that this had nothing to do with her.

Karapet was losing his mind. The clock on the wall said 12:34; and Karapet knew that as long as the PM was able to survive the torture that he was being forced to endure in the other room, somebody would send help. There was no way that the Prime Minister could go missing without anybody noticing. The 3 men had taken Gurgen back into the den, behind Karapet. At least, that’s what he assumed, since he couldn’t turn around. This left the two females to watch him and the girls. Before leaving, the leader took the gags out of their mouth’s.

Lucine appeared to be calming down. She may have been naive enough to believe that they were just in the back talking. Nazani was leaning toward her sister and whispering into her ear. Karapet couldn’t hear what she was saying to her baby sister; but she was either trying to talk her down and keep her calm, or instructing her in what to do if she’s able to get free. Nazani had her father’s intellect, but she also had her mother’s heart; which pitted her against her father more often than not.

“Hey, little girl,” one of the females said; in a thick Russian accent, “stop your whispering or i’ll pull off your little princess panties and duck tape them back into your mouth.” This slid out of her mouth effortlessly with a seriousness that sent chills down Nazani’s spine.

The woman’s voice was deep; so deep that it caught Karapet off guard a little bit. He could see the rage in Margarid’s eyes. “Christ,” he said under his breath in a dismissive and disrespectful tone, “as if that was necessary.” Both of the females stopped their quiet conversation in the corner and looked him. That’s all it took to scare him deeply, and he just looked down at his feet in defeat.

“Even for a politician,” said Ari Gevorkyan, “you are a grimy bastard.”

Ari was the Leader of this band of “Freedom-Fighters”. He had stripped down to his tactical pants, his sleeveless undershirt, and 3.69 oz carbon fiber tactical gloves. Because of the amount of damage that he was able to do with these gloves, Ari had to do his best to maintain his composure. That meant that his main underling, Aghvan Avakian, was doing the majority of the interrogating. His small stature and lack of power kept him from doing any severe or permanent damage to the PM. To untrained eyes and ears, the beatings that he was able to dish out was generally perceived as several magnitude’s worse than it actually was.

“Alright Aggie,” Ari said with a smile on his face, showing his sheer amusement with the obscene amount of effort it took for his small friend to break the PM’s nose. He tossed Aggie his shirt, and walked out of the den to see the effect that the apparent torture was having on the rest of the family. It didn’t occur to him that nearly every room in the mansion was sound proof.

The two females had taken off there masks, but quickly stood up at attention as their leader walked into the room. Ari yelled into the back room, and told him to roll Gurgen back into the foyer.

Once the girls saw the broken and bloodied state of the head of their family, they lost control. Gurgen’s left eye was complete swollen shut, and at least the size of a ping-pong ball. His nose was very obviously broken and his robe that was once white and fuzzy was now bloody and crusty. He knew he was alright; and once he saw that his family wasn’t being harmed, he caught a second wind. He looked up at the goons that where standing in his foyer with his good eye. “Alright, Ananyan,” Ari said as he placed his left boot in between the PM’s legs so that their faces were inches from each other, “I want you to listen to me. Your bourgeois attitude toward the laws and statutes that you have knowingly manipulated has not gone unnoticed by the people that you have displaced.”

“Displaced?” he replied with a smirk, “You have to be kidding me.”

“Even if these claims weren’t a complete fabrication,” Karapet spewed with all of the hatred he could muster, “is this really the way to go about changing something? Do you really think that no one has realized that the most powerful man in the nation is being held hostage?”

Ari just chuckled. This wasn’t his first rodeo. He calmly walked over to the large bay windows looking out onto the lot in front of the house. Both Gurgen and Karapet were expecting to see 30 police cars with flashing light and 5 Tactical Teams; but when Ari pulled open the shades, the Commander-in-Chief could only hang his head in defeat. Their lot was empty. No one was there to rescue them.

“You see, my naive little friend,” Ari’s attention had focused in on Karapet like a laser beam, “this is where you are mistaken. This isn’t about ‘changing’ the system. This is about this man paying for the crimes that no one is willing to hold him accountable for.”

Karapet was so petrified, he couldn’t look over to see his leader hanging his head in apparent defeat. Deep down, Gurgen knew that the jig was up.

“Please,” Gurgen said, “let my family go. Just leave them out of it. They don’t know anything about what I have done.”

“Allegedly!” Karapet yelled, refusing to believe that anything like this could have gone on underneath his nose.

Gurgen’s wife looked at him in shock. Was this an admission of guilt? Had all those “Conspiracy Theories” and “Communist Disinformation Campaigns” been telling the truth all along? How could she show her face in public; after the countless lectures she had given against corruption and elitism. She had spent her husband’s entire political career promoting an egalitarian philosophy, only for her husband to be the thing that she had speaking out against.‘No, there’s no way. I’ve been by his side for every project, every contract.’ Marge found no comfort in the thought, and all she could do was stare at the floor. She had no more tears to cry.

Ari gathered his group around him, and started whispering orders to each of them. Karapet took advantage of the lack of supervision and leaned over to Gurgen to whisper, “Mr. Anany-… Gurgen, I don’t care what they do to us, I’m not leaving you behind.” Normally, Gurgen wouldn’t have believed him, but his assistant said it with conviction that he had never heard come from him before. Gurgen looked up at him with his good eye and smiled. This was the first time the PM looked at the assistant that he saw every day in the eye; and at this point he finally saw him as a man, and as an equal.

Karapet had spent the last year being treated like leather of Gurgen’s boot heel, ever since he found out that Karapet and his eldest daughter had been exchanging text messages. Karapet was never anything but respectful; even when she began to be inappropriate, he was nothing short of a complete gentleman. In the end this is what saved his job, and his life. It had been over a year since this incident, and all it did was make Karapet work harder for the praise that he rarely got from his employer and mentor.

The girls screamed at the top of there lungs as Ari shot Karapet in the back of the head. The exit wound sprayed a dark red mist onto Gurgen’s throbbing face, leaving his assistant slumped forward in the chair; only held up by the zip-ties on his wrists. The wound in his head leaked steadily, creating a small pool of blood and brain matter in his lap and at his feet.

“I’m sorry,” Ari said coldly and quietly in to Gurgen’s ear, “did I interrupt the moment where he finally melted the ice in your heart?” The sound of his voice felt like the forked tongue of a snake licking his ear. He couldn’t believe what had just happen. In a fit of rage he began to thrash and cry and curse and them at the top of his lungs. It was apparent that he wasn’t going to do anything, so he hung his head.

The family sat in silence. Their collective shock created a heaviness in the air that seemed to suck the very life out of the room. The three girls were each sobbing and staring at the floor. Ari had gotten the exact reaction that he expected. The satisfaction was good enough to make him need a cigarette. He directed his minions to take Karapet’s body out of the chair, then he pulled it in front of the PM and sat down.

“Do you mind if I smoke?” Ari asked with a cigarette in his mouth. The PM shook his head. “Now,” he continued, “I want you to take me back to 2009.”

“The Trade Center…” Gurgen said, “I should have fucking knew it.”

“Who were the two anonymous member’s of the board?”

“The Mayor and Deputy Mayor.”

Ari was actually surprised. He stood up, and began to pace while he processed this new information. “Borinian and Sargsyan were the secret members,” Ari was now talking to himself, “that’s how they were able to keep the Grant’s from the city secret…” he trailed off as he put the pieces of the puzzle together.

“They were the one’s,” Gurgen said quietly, “who brought to the table the idea of ‘Eminent Domain’. If the city wrote off the property, we not only got tax breaks but we also got funding from the UN.”

Margarid couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her skin was turning as red as her blouse, and she looked like she might explode. Ari told his crew to wheel the family in the other room and keep them quiet. In that second, Gurgen had no idea what was about to happen, but one thing was for sure: they had gotten exactly what they had come for. Ari walked behind the PM with his gun in hand. The last thing that he heard were the several shots coming from the other room.

Essay Writing Guide – Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

This guide to writing essay’s that I found on Dr Jordan B Peterson’s website has to be the most comprehensive breakdown that I’ve ever found. From now on I am going to use this technique when writing an essay. If you would like to use it as well, just copy and paste it into a text file. As I was just reading through this, I realized that it needed to be shared.

Essay Writing Guide

You can use this word document to write an excellent essay from beginning to end, using a ten-step process. Most of the time, students or would-be essay writers are provided only with basic information about how to write, and most of that information concentrates on the details of formatting. These are necessary details, but writing is obviously far more than mere formatting. If you write your essay according to this plan, and you complete every step, you will produce an essay that is at least very good. You will also learn exactly how to write an essay, which is something very valuable to learn.

To start writing your essay, go to the next page, for Part One: Introduction.

Jordan B Peterson


What is an essay?

An essay is a relatively short piece of writing on a particular topic. However, the word essay also means attempt or try. An essay is, therefore, a short piece written by someone attempting to explore a topic or answer a question.

Why bother writing an essay?

Most of the time, students write essays only because they are required to do so by a classroom instructor. Thus, students come to believe that essays are important primarily to demonstrate their knowledge to a teacher or professor. This is simply, and dangerously, wrong (even though such writing for demonstration may be practically necessary).

The primary reason to write an essay is so that the writer can formulate and organize an informed, coherent and sophisticated set of ideas about something important.

Why is it important to bother with developing sophisticated ideas, in turn? It’s because there is no difference between doing so and thinking, for starters. It is important to think because action based on thinking is likely to be far less painful and more productive than action based upon ignorance. So, if you want to have a life characterized by competence, productivity, security, originality and engagement rather than one that is nasty, brutish and short, you need to think carefully about important issues. There is no better way to do so than to write. This is because writing extends your memory, facilitates editing and clarifies your thinking.

You can write down more than you can easily remember, so that your capacity to consider a number of ideas at the same time is broadened. Furthermore, once those ideas are written down, you can move them around and change them, word by word, sentence by sentence, and paragraph by paragraph. You can also reject ideas that appear substandard, after you consider them more carefully. If you reject substandard ideas, then all that you will have left will be good ideas. You can keep those, and use them. Then you will have good, original ideas at your fingertips, and you will be able to organize and communicate them.

Consider your success over the course of a lifetime. Here is something to think about: the person who can formulate and communicate the best argument almost always wins. If you want a job, you have to make a case for yourself. If you want a raise, you have to convince someone that you deserve it. If you are trying to convince someone of the validity of your idea, you have to debate its merits successfully, particularly if there are others with other competing ideas.

If you sharpen your capacity to think and to communicate as a consequence of writing, you are better armed. The pen is mightier than the sword, as the saying goes. This is no cheap cliché. Ideas change the world, particularly when they are written. The Romans built buildings, and the Romans and the buildings are both gone. The Jews wrote a book, and they are still here, and so is the book. So it turns out that words may well last longer than stone, and have more impact than whole empires.

If you learn to write and to edit, you will also be able to tell the difference between good ideas, intelligently presented, and bad ideas put forth by murky and unskilled thinkers. That means that you will be able to separate the wheat from the chaff (look it up). Then you can be properly influenced by profound and solid ideas instead of falling prey to foolish fads and whims and ideologies, which can range in their danger from trivial to mortal.

Those who can think and communicate are simply more powerful than those who cannot, and powerful in the good way, the way that means “able to do a wide range of things competently and efficiently.” Furthermore, the further up the ladder of competence you climb, with your well-formulated thoughts, the more important thinking and communicating become. At the very top of the most complex hierarchies (law, medicine, academia, business, theology, politics) nothing is more necessary and valuable. If you can think and communicate, you can also defend yourself, and your friends and family, when that becomes necessary, and it will become necessary at various points in your life.

Finally, it is useful to note that your mind is organized verbally, at the highest and most abstract levels. Thus, if you learn to think, through writing, then you will develop a well-organized, efficient mind – and one that is well-founded and certain. This also means that you will be healthier, mentally and physically, as lack of clarity and ignorance means unnecessary stress. Unnecessary stress makes your body react more to what could otherwise be treated as trivial affairs. This makes for excess energy expenditure, and more rapid aging (along with all the negative health-related consequences of aging).

So, unless you want to stay an ignorant, unhealthy lightweight, learn to write (and to think and communicate). Otherwise those who can will ride roughshod over you and push you out of the way. Your life will be harder, at the bottom of the dominance hierarchies that you will inevitably inhabit, and you will get old fast.

Don’t ever underestimate the power of words. Without them, we would still be living in trees. So when you are writing an essay, you are harnessing the full might of culture to your life. That is why you write an essay (even if it has been assigned). Forget that, and you are doing something stupid, trivial and dull. Remember it, and you are conquering the unknown.

A note on technology

If you are a student, or anyone else who is going to do a lot of writing, then you should provide yourself with the right technology, especially now, when it is virtually cost-less to do so. Obviously, you need a computer. It doesn’t have to be that good, although a digital hard drive is a good investment for speed. Less obviously, you need two screens, one set up beside the other. They don’t have to be bigger than 19” diagonal. Even 17” monitors will do well. High resolution is better. You need the two screens so that you can present your reference material on one screen, and your essay (or even two versions of your essay, side by side) on the other.

Having this extra visual real estate really matters. It will make you less cramped and more efficient. A good keyboard (such as the Microsoft Natural Ergonomic keyboard) is also an excellent investment. Standard keyboards will hurt your hands if you use them continually, and the less said about a notebook keyboard the better. Use a good mouse, as well, and not a touch-pad, which requires too much finicky movement for someone who is really working. Set up the keyboards so you are looking directly at their centers when you are sitting up straight. Use a decent chair, and sit so that your feet can rest comfortably on the floor when your knees are bent 90 degrees. These are not trivial issues. You may spend hours working on your writing, so you have to set up a work space that will not annoy you, or you will have just one more good reason to avoid your tasks and assignments.

A note on use of time

People’s brains function better in the morning. Get up. Eat something. You are much smarter and more resilient after you have slept properly and ate. There is plenty of solid research demonstrating this. Coffee alone is counter-productive. Have some protein and some fat. Make a smoothie with fruit and real yogurt. Go out and buy a cheap breakfast, if necessary. Eat by whatever means necessary. Prepare to spend between 90 minutes and three hours writing. However, even 15 minutes can be useful, particularly if you do it every day.

Do not wait for a big chunk of free time to start. You will never get big chunks of free time ever in your life, so don’t make your success dependent on their non-existent. The most effective writers write every day, at least a bit.

Realize that when you first sit down to write, your mind will rebel. It is full of other ideas, all of which will fight to dominate. You could be looking at Facebook, or Youtube, or watching or reading online porn, or cleaning the dust bunnies from under your bed, or rearranging your obsolete CD collection, or texting an old flame, or reading a book for another course, or getting the groceries you need, or doing the laundry, or having a nap, or going for a walk (because you need the exercise), or phoning a friend or a parent – the list is endless. Each part of your mind that is concerned with such things will make its wants known, and attempt to distract you. Such pesky demons can be squelched, however, with patience. If you refuse to be tempted for fifteen minutes (25 on a really bad day) you will find that the clamor in your mind will settle down and you will be able to concentrate on writing. If you do this day after day, you will find that the power of such temptations do not reduce, but the duration of their attempts to distract you will decrease. You will also find that even on a day where concentration is very difficult, you will still be able to do some productive writing if you stick it out.

Don’t kid yourself into thinking you will write for six hours, either. Three is a maximum, especially if you want to sustain it day after day. Don’t wait too late to start your writing, so you don’t have to cram insanely, but give yourself a break after a good period of sustained concentration. Three productive hours are way better than ten hours of self-deceptive non-productivity, even in the library.


Words, sentences, paragraphs and more

An essay, like any piece of writing, exists at multiple levels of resolution, simultaneously. First is the selection of the word. Second is the crafting of the sentence. Each word should be precisely the right word, in the right location in each sentence. The sentence itself should present a thought, part of the idea expressed in the paragraph, in a grammatically correct manner. Each sentence should be properly arranged and sequenced inside a paragraph, the third level of resolution. As a rule of thumb, a paragraph should be made up of at least 10 sentences or 100 words. This might be regarded as a stupid rule, because it is arbitrary. However, you should let it guide you, until you know better. You have very little right to break the rules, until you have mastered them.

Here’s a little story to illustrate that idea, taken in part from a document called the Codex Bezae.

Christ is walking down the road on the Sabbath, when good Jews of that time were not supposed to work. In the ditch, he sees a shepherd, trying to rescue a sheep from a hole that it has fallen into. It is very hot and, clearly, the sheep will not be in very good shape if it spends a whole day in the desert sun. On the other hand, it is the Sabbath. Christ looks at the shepherd and says, “Man, if indeed thou knowest what thou doest, thou art blessed: but if thou knowest not, thou art cursed, and a transgressor of the law.” Then he walks on down the road.

The point is this: There is a rest day for a reason. Otherwise people would work all the time. Then they would be chronically unhappy and exhausted. They would compete each other to death. So if it’s time for everybody to rest, then rest, and don’t be breaking the rule. However, it is also not good to let a sheep die in the hot sun, when a few minutes of labor might save it. So, if you are respectful of the rule, and conscious of its importance, and realize that it serves as a bulwark against the chaos of the unknown, and you still decide to break it, carefully, because the particularities of the circumstances demand it – well, then, more power to you. If you are just a careless, ignorant, antisocial narcissist instead, however, then look out. You break a rule at your peril, whether you know it or not.

Rules are there for a reason. You are only allowed to break them if you are a master. If you’re not a master, don’t confuse your ignorance with creativity or style. Writing that follows the rules is easier for readers, because they know roughly what to expect. So rules are conventions. Like all conventions, they are sometimes sub-optimal. But not very often. So, to begin with, use the conventions. For example, aim to make your paragraphs about 10 sentences or 100 words long.

A paragraph should present a single idea, using multiple sentences. If you can’t think up 100 words to say about your idea, it’s probably not a very good idea, or you need to think more about it. If your paragraph is rambling on for 300 words, or more, it’s possible that it has more than one idea in it, and should be broken up.

All of the paragraphs have to be arranged in a logical progression, from the beginning of the essay to the end. This is the fourth level of resolution. Perhaps the most important step in writing an essay is getting the paragraphs in proper order. Each of them is a stepping stone to your essay’s final destination.

The fifth level of resolution is the essay, as a whole. Every element of an essay can be correct, each word, sentence, and paragraph – even the paragraph order – and the essay can still fail, because it is just not interesting or important. It is very hard for competent but uninspired writers to understand this kind of failure, because a critic cannot merely point it out. There is no answer to their question, “exactly where did I make a mistake?” Such an essay is just not good. An essay without originality or creativity might fall into this category. Sometimes a creative person, who is not technically proficient as a writer, can make the opposite mistake: their word choice is poor, their sentences badly constructed and poorly organized within their paragraphs, their paragraphs in no intelligible relationship to one another – and yet the essay as a whole can succeed, because there are valuable thoughts trapped within it, wishing desperately to find expression.

Additional levels

You might think that there could not possibly be anything more to an essay than these five levels of resolution or analysis, but you would be wrong. This is something that was first noticed, perhaps, by those otherwise entirely reprehensible and destructive scholars known as post-modernists. An essay necessarily exists within a context of interpretation, made up of the reader (level six), and the culture that the reader is embedded in (level seven), which is made up in part of the assumptions that he or she will bring to the essay. Levels six and seven have deep roots in biology and culture. You might think, “Why do I need to know this?” but if you don’t you are not considering your audience, and that’s a mistake. Part of the purpose of the essay is to set your mind straight, but the other part, equally important, is to communicate with an audience.

For the essay to succeed, brilliantly, it has to work at all of these levels of resolution simultaneously. That is very difficult, but it is in that difficulty that the value of the act of writing exists.

Considerations of Aesthetics and Fascination

This is not all that has to be properly managed when you write an essay. You should also strive for brevity, which is concise and efficient expression, as well as beauty, which is the melodic or poetic aspect of your language (at all the requisite levels of analysis). Finally, you should not be bored, or boring. If you are bored while writing, then, most importantly, you are doing it wrong, and you will also bore your reader. Think of it this way: you get bored for a reason, and sometimes for a good reason. You may be bored while writing your essay because you are actually lying to yourself in a very deep way about what you are doing and why you are doing it. Your mind, independent of your ego, cannot be hoodwinked into attending to something that you think is uninteresting or useless. It will automatically regard such a thing as unworthy of attention, and make you bored by it.

If you are bored by your essay, you have either chosen the wrong topic (one which makes no difference to you and, in all likelihood, to anyone else) or you are approaching a good topic in a substandard manner. Perhaps you are resentful about having to write the essay, or afraid of its reception, or lazy, or ignorant, or unduly and arrogantly skeptical, or something of the kind.

You have to place yourself in the correct state of mind to write properly. That state of mind is partly aesthetic. You have to be trying to produce something of worth, beauty and elegance. If you think that is ridiculous, then you are far too stupid at the moment to write properly. You need to meditate long and hard on why you would dare presume that worth, beauty and elegance are unworthy of your pursuit. Do you plan to settle for ugly and uncouth? Do you want to destroy, instead of build?

You must choose a topic that is important to you. This should be formulated as a question that you want to answer. This is arguably the hardest part of writing an essay: choosing the proper question. Perhaps your instructor has provided you with a list of topics, and you think you are off the hook as a consequence. You’re not. You still have to determine how to write about one of those topics in a manner that is compelling to you. It’s a moral, spiritual endeavor.

If you properly identify something of interest to you, then you have put yourself in alignment with the deeper levels of your psyche, your spirit. If these deeper levels do not want or need an answer to the question you have posed, you will not possibly be interested in it. So the fact of your interest is evidence of the importance of the topic. You, or some part of you, needs the answer – and such needs can be deep enough so that life itself can depend upon them. Someone desperate, for example, might find the question “why live?” of extreme interest, and absolutely require an answer that makes life’s suffering worth bearing. It is not necessary to ensure that every question you try or essay to answer of that level of importance, but you should not waste your time with ideas that do not grip you.

So, the proper attitude is interested and aesthetically sensitive.

Having said all that, here is something to remember: finished beats perfect. Most people fail a class or an assignment or a work project not because they write badly, and get a D’s or F’s, but because they don’t write at all, and get zeroes. Zeroes are very bad. They are the black holes of numbers. Zeroes make you fail. Zeroes ruin your life. Essays handed in, no matter how badly written, can usually get you at least a C. So don’t be a completely self-destructive idiot. Hand something in, regardless of how pathetic you think it is (and no matter how accurate you are in that opinion).


The central question that you are trying to answer with the essay is the topic question. Here are some potentially interesting topic questions:

  • Does evil exist?
  • Are all cultures equally worthy of respect?
  • How should a man and a woman treat each other in a relationship?
  • What, if anything, makes a person good?
  • These are very general, abstract topics. That makes them philosophical. Good topics do not have to be so general. Here are some good, more specific topics:
  • What were the key events of Julius Caesar’s rule?
  • What are the critical elements of Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution?
  • Is “The Sun Also Rises,” by Ernest Hemingway, an important book?
  • How might Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud’s theory of the psyche be contrasted?
  • How did Newton and Einstein differ in their conceptualization of time?
  • Was the recent Iraq war just or unjust?

You can begin your essay writing process two different ways. You can either list the topics you have been assigned, or list ten or so questions that you might want to answer, if you are required to choose your own topic, or you can start to create and finalize your reading list. If you think you can already identify several potential topics of interest, start with Topics. If you are unsure, then start constructing your Reading List.



Put these in question form, as in the examples above.











If you can’t do this, then you have to do some more reading (which you will likely have to do to complete the essay anyway). There is, by the way, no such thing as reader’s block. If you can’t write, it is because you have nothing to say. You have no ideas. In such a situation, don’t pride yourself on your writer’s block. Read something. If that doesn’t work, read something else – maybe something better. Repeat until the problem is solved.

Reading List

Indicate here what you have to or want to read. These should be books or articles, generally speaking. If you don’t know what articles or books might be appropriate or useful, then you could start with Wikipedia articles or other encyclopedic sources, and look at their reference lists for ideas about further reading. These sources are fine as a beginning.

If you find someone whose writing is particularly interesting and appropriate, it is often very useful to see if you can find out what authors they admired and read. You can do this by noting who they refer to, in the text of their writings or in the reference list. You can meander productively through wide bodies of learning in this manner.

Assume you need 5-10 books or articles per thousand words of essay, unless you have been instructed otherwise. A double-spaced page of typing usually contains about 250 words. List your sources now, even if you have to do it badly. You can always make it better later.

Reading 1.

Notes: (see next section for Notes on Notes):

Reading 2.


Reading 3.


Reading 4.


Reading 5.


Reading 6.


Reading 7.


Reading 8.


Reading 9.


Reading 10 (repeat if necessary).

Notes (repeat if necessary):

A Psychological Note and some Notes on Notes.

While you are reading, see if you can notice anything that catches your attention. This might be something you think is important, or something that you seriously disagree with, or something that you might want to know more about. You have to pay careful attention to your emotional reactions to do this.

You also want to take some notes. You can place your notes below the readings you listed above.

When you are taking notes, don’t bother doing stupid things like highlighting or underlining sentences in the textbook. There is no evidence that it works. It just looks like work. What you need to do is to read for understanding. Read a bit, then write down what you have learned or any questions that have arisen in your mind. Don’t ever copy the source word for word. The most important part of learning and remembering is the recreation of what you have written in your own language. This is not some simplistic “use your own words.” This is the dialog you are having with the writer of your sources. This is your attempt to say back to the author “this is what I understand you are saying.” This is where you extract the gist of the writing.

If someone asks you about your day, you don’t say, “Well, first I opened my eyes. Then I blinked and rubbed them. Then I placed my left leg on the floor, and then my right.” You would bore them to death. Instead, you eliminate the extra detail, and concentrate on communicating what is important. That is exactly what you are supposed to be doing when you take some notes during or after reading (after is often better, with the book closed, so that you are not tempted to copy the author’s writing word for word so that you can fool yourself into thinking you did some work).

If you find note-taking in this manner difficult, try this. Read a paragraph. Look away. Then say to yourself, out loud, even in a whisper (if you are in a library), what the paragraph meant. Listen to what you said, and then quickly write it down.

Take about two to three times as many notes, by word, as you will need for your essay. You might think that is inefficient, but it’s not. In order to write intelligibly about something, or to speak intelligently about it, you need to know far more than you actually communicate. That helps you master level six and seven, described previously – the context within which the essay is to be understood. Out of those notes you should be able to derive 8-10 topic questions. Do so. Remember, they can be edited later. Just get them down.


At this point you have prepared a list of topics, and a reading list. Now it’s time to choose a topic.


Here’s another rule. When you write your first draft, it should be longer than the final version. This is so that you have some extra writing to throw away. You want to have something to throw away after the first draft so that you only have to keep what is good. It is NOT faster to try to write exactly as many words as you need when you first sit down to write. Trying to do so merely makes you too aware of what you are writing. This concern will slow you down. Aim at producing a first draft that is 25% longer than the final draft is supposed to be. If your final work is to be 1000 words, then write that (or four pages) below. The word document will automatically add 25% to the length you specify.

Now specify the length of your essay.




Now you have to write an outline. This is the most difficult part of writing an essay, and it’s not optional. The outline of an essay is like the skeleton of a body. It provides its fundamental form and structure. Furthermore, the outline is basically the argument (with the sentences themselves and the words serving that argument).

A thousand-word essay requires a ten-sentence outline. However, the fundamental outline of an essay should not get much longer than fifteen sentences, even if the essay is several thousand words or more in length. This is because it is difficult to keep an argument of more than that length in mind at one time so that you can assess the quality of its structure. So, write a ten to fifteen sentence outline of your essay, and if it is longer than a thousand words, then make sub-outlines for each primary outline sentence. Here is an example of a good simple outline:

  • Topic: Who was Abraham Lincoln?
  • Why is Abraham Lincoln worthy of remembrance?
  • What were the crucial events of his childhood?
  • Of his adolescence?
  • Of his young adulthood?
  • How did he enter politics?
  • What were his major challenges?
  • What were the primary political and economic issues of his time?
  • Who were his enemies?
  • How did he deal with them?
  • What were his major accomplishments?
  • How did he die?

Here is an example of a good longer outline (for a three thousand word essay):

  • Topic: What is capitalism?
  • How has capitalism been defined?
  • Author 1
  • Author 2
  • Author 3
  • Where and when did capitalism develop?
  • Country 1
  • Country 2
  • How did capitalism develop in the first 50 years after its origin?
  • How did capitalism develop in the second 50 years after its origin?
  • (Repeat as necessary)
  • Historical precursors?
  • (choose as many centuries as necessary)
  • Advantages of capitalism?
  • Wealth generation
  • Technological advancement
  • Personal freedom
  • Disadvantages of capitalism?
  • Unequal distribution
  • Pollution and other externalized costs
  • Alternatives to capitalism?
  • Fascism
  • Communism
  • Consequences of these alternatives?
  • Potential future developments?
  • Conclusion

Beware of the tendency to write trite, repetitive and cliched introductions and conclusions. It is often useful to write a stock intro (what is the purpose of this essay? How is it going to proceed?) and a stock conclusion (How did this essay proceed? What was its purpose?) but they should usually then be thrown away. Write your outline here. Try for one outline heading per 100 words of essay length. You can add subdivisions, as in the example regarding capitalism, above.

Write outline here:

1. Outline sentence 1:

2. Outline sentence 2:

3. Outline sentence 3:

4. Outline sentence 4:

5. Outline sentence 5:

6. Outline sentence 6:

7. Outline sentence 7:

8. Outline sentence 8:

9. Outline sentence 9:

10. Outline sentence 10 (repeat if necessary):


So, now you have your outline. Copy it here:


Now, write ten to fifteen sentences per outline heading to complete your paragraph. You may find it helpful to add additional subdivisions to your outline, and to work back and forth between the outline and the sentences, editing both. Use your notes, as well. Use single spacing at this point, so that you can see more writing on the paper at once. You will format your essay properly later.

Don’t worry too much about how well you are writing at this point. It is also best at this point not to worry too much about the niceties of sentence structure and grammar. That is all best left for the second major step, which is editing. You should think of the essay writing process as twofold. The first major step is the first draft, which can be relatively quick and dirty. For the first draft you can use your notes, extensively, and rough out the essay. If you get stuck writing anywhere, just move to the next outline sentence. You can always go back.

The second major step is editing. Production (the first major step) and editing (the second) are different functions, and should be treated that way. This is because each interferes with the other. The purpose of production is to produce. The function of editing is to reduce and arrange. If you try to do both at the same time then the editing stymies the production. It’s not faster to combine them, nor is it better, and it is bound to be frustrating.

Here is an example of writing associated with an outline question: (note: places where references are necessary are indicate as (REFERENCE, 19XX). How to format these references will be discussed later.

Outline sentence: How has capitalism been defined?

Something as complex as capitalism cannot be easily defined. Different authors have each offered their opinion. Liberal or conservative thinkers stress the importance of private property and the ownership rights that accompany such property as key to capitalism (REFERENCE, 19XX). Such private property (including valuable goods and the means by which they are produced) can be traded, freely, with other property owners, in a market where the price is set by public demand, rather than by any central agency. Liberal and conservative thinkers stress efficiency of production, as well as quality, and consider profit the motive for efficiency. They believe that lower cost is a desirable feature of production, and that fair competition helps ensure desirably lower prices.

The World Socialist Movement (REFERENCE, 19XX), an international consortium of far left political parties, defines capitalism, by contrast, as ownership of the means of production by a small minority of people, the capitalist class, who profitably exploit the working class, the genuine producers, who must sell their ability to work for a salary or wage. Such socialists believe that it is profit that solely motivates capitalism, and that the profit motive is essentially corrupt. Modern environmentalists tend to add the natural world itself to the list of capitalist targets of exploitation (REFERENCE, 19XX). Thinkers on the right tend to regard problems emerging from the capitalist system as real, but trivial in comparison to those produced by other economic and political systems, real and hypothetical. Thinkers on the far left regard capitalism as the central cause of problems as serious as poverty, inequality and environmental degradation, and believe that there are other political and economic systems whose implementation would constitute an improvement.

It took two paragraphs to begin to address the first outline sentence. Notice that the essay begins without referring to itself. It is better to tell the reader what the essay will be about and how the topic will be addressed than to meander around stupidly at the beginning of an essay, but it is still better to grab the reader’s attention immediately without beating around the bush.

Once you have completed ten to fifteen sentences for each outline heading, you have finished your first draft. Now it is time to move to editing.


Copy the first paragraph of your first draft here:

Paragraph 1:

Now, place each sentence on its own line, so it looks like this (this example is taken from the first paragraph on capitalism, above):

Something as complex as capitalism cannot be easily defined.

Different authors have each offered their opinion.

Liberal or conservative thinkers stress the importance of private property and the ownership rights that accompany such property as key to capitalism (REFERENCE, 19XX).

Such private property (including valuable goods and the means by which they are produced) can be traded, freely, with other property owners, in a market where the price is set by public demand, rather than by any central agency.

Liberal and conservative thinkers stress efficiency of production, as well as quality, and consider profit the motive for efficiency.

They believe that lower cost is a desirable feature of production, and that fair competition helps ensure desirably lower prices.

Now, write another version of each sentence, under each sentence, like this:

Liberal and conservative thinkers stress efficiency of production, as well as quality, and consider profit the motive for efficiency.

Liberal and conservative thinkers alike stress the importance of quality and efficiency, and see them as properly rewarded by profit.

In this example, the meaning of the sentence has been changed slightly, during the rewrite. It may be that the second sentence flows better than the first, and is also more precise and meaningful. See if you can make each sentence you have written better, in a similar manner:

  • Better would mean shorter and simpler (as all unnecessary words should be eliminated). There is almost nothing a novice writer can do that will improve his or her writing more rapidly than writing very short sentences. See if you can cut the length of each sentence by 15-25%. Remember, earlier, you tried to make your essay longer than necessary. Here you can start cleaning it up.
  • Better would mean that each word is precisely and exactly the right word. Don’t be tempted to use any word that you would be uncomfortable to use in spoken conversation. Often, new writers try to impress their readers with their vocabulary. This often backfires when words are used that are technically correct but whose connotation is not, or that are unsuitable within the context of the sentence, paragraph or full essay. An expert writer will spot such flaws immediately, and see them for what they are: forms of camouflage and deception. Write clearly at a vocabulary level you have mastered (with maybe a bit of stretching, to produce improvement).

Read each sentence aloud, and listen to how it sounds. If it’s awkward, see if you can say it a different, better way. Listen to what you said, and then write it down. Rewrite each sentence. Once you have done this with all the sentences, read the old versions and the new versions, and replace the old with the new if the new is better. Then copy the new paragraph here:

New paragraph 1:

Repeat for each paragraph:

New paragraph 2:

New paragraph 3:

New paragraph 4:

New paragraph 5 (etc.):

Now you are going to try to improve each of those paragraphs. Copy them again here, unchanged (you are doing this so that you can easily compare the improved paragraphs to the originals, so that you can be sure they are truly improved, before you keep them):

New paragraph 1 (copy):

New paragraph 2 (copy):

New paragraph 3 (copy):

New paragraph 4 (copy):

New paragraph 5 (copy) (etc.):

Start with paragraph 1. Break it up into single sentences, as you did before. Now check to see if the sentences are in the best possible order, within each paragraph. Drag and drop them, or cut and paste them, into better order.

You can also eliminate sentences that are no longer necessary. When you are satisfied with the first paragraph (which means that the sentences are necessary, short and punchy, and in the correct order) then go ahead to the next paragraph and do the same thing.


Now, copy all of the new, improved paragraphs that you have edited here:

New improved paragraph 1:

New improved paragraph 2:

New improved paragraph 3:

New improved paragraph 4:

New improved paragraph 5 (etc.):

Now you are going to try to improve the order of those new, improved paragraphs. Copy them here, again, unchanged.

New improved paragraph 1 (copy):

New improved paragraph 2 (copy):

New improved paragraph 3 (copy):

New improved paragraph 4 (copy):

New improved paragraph 5 (copy) (etc.):

Now look at the order of the paragraphs themselves (as you just did with the sentences within each paragraph). It may well be that by now in the editing process, you will find that the order of the subtopics within your original outline is no longer precisely appropriate, and that some re-ordering of those sub-topics is called for. So, move around the new improved paragraph (copies) above, until they are ordered more appropriately than they were.


So now you should have produced a pretty decent second draft. You have identified the appropriate sources, written the proper notes, outlined your argument, roughed in a first draft (paragraph by paragraph), rewritten your sentences to make them more elegant, and re-ordered those sentences, as well as the paragraphs themselves. This is much farther than most writers ever get. You may even think you’re finished – but you’re not.

The next step will take you from a “B” essay to an “A” essay. It may even help you write something that is better than you have ever produced (better meaning richer in information, precise, coherent, elegant and beautiful). Copy what you have written so far here:


Read it. Then go to the next page.

This part of the process will probably strike you as unnecessary, or annoying, or both, but what do you know? This is the step that separates the men from the boys, or the women from the boys, or the men from the girls, or whatever version of this saying is acceptably non-sexist and politically correct.

You have just finished reading your essay. Try now to write a new outline of ten to fifteen sentences. Don’t look back at your essay while you are doing this. If you have to, go back and re-read the whole thing, and then return to this page, but don’t look at your essay while you are rewriting the outline. If you force yourself to reconstruct your argument from memory, you will likely improve it. Generally, when you remember something, you simplify it, while retaining most of what is important. Thus, your memory can serve as a filter, removing what is useless and preserving and organizing what is vital. What you are doing now is distilling what you have written to its essence.

Write new outline here:

1. New outline sentence 1:

2. New outline sentence 2:

3. New outline sentence 3:

4. New outline sentence 4:

5. New outline sentence 5:

6. New outline sentence 6:

7. New outline sentence 7:

8. New outline sentence 8:

9. New outline sentence 9:

10. New outline sentence 10 (repeat if necessary):

Now that you have a new outline, you can cut and paste material from your previous essay. To do this, open up a new Word document beside this one. Then cut and paste the new outline that you have written into the new Word document. Return to the original document, and scroll up to the full, re-ordered essay you copied and pasted into Part Eight, above. Then cut and paste from the re-ordered essay into your new outline.

You may find that you don’t need everything you wrote before. Don’t be afraid to throw unnecessary material away. You are trying to get rid of what is substandard, and leave only what is necessary.

Once you have finished cutting and pasting your old material into the new outline, then copy the new essay, and paste it into a new word document. That will be your final essay. Don’t forget to put a title page on it.



Now you have a third draft, and it’s probably pretty good. If you really want to take it to the next level, then you can repeat the process of sentence rewriting and re-ordering, as well as paragraph re-ordering and re-outlining. Often it is a good idea to wait a few days to do this, so that you can look at what you have produced with fresh eyes. Then you will be able to see what you have written, instead of seeing what you think you wrote (which is the case when you try to edit immediately after producing).

You are not genuinely finished until you cannot edit so that your essay improves. Generally, you can tell if this has happened when you try to rewrite a sentence (or a paragraph) and you are not sure that the new version is an improvement over the original.


When you write a sentence that contains what is supposed to be a fact or at least an informed opinion, and you have picked it up from something you read, then you have to refer to that source. Otherwise, following convention, people may accuse you of plagiarism, which is a form of theft (of intellectual property). There are a large number of conventions that you can follow to properly structure your references and your bibliography (which is a list of books and articles that you have read to obtain relevant background information, but from which you may not have drawn any ideas specific enough to require a reference).

The conventions of the American Psychological Association (APA) are commonly used by essay writers. This convention generally requires the use of the last names of the authors of the source in parentheses after the sentence requiring a reference. For example:

It is necessary to add a reference after a sentence containing an opinion which is not your own, or a fact that you have acquired from some source material (Peterson, 2014).

This sentence could also be constructed like this:

Peterson (2014) claims that it is necessary to add a reference after a sentence containing an opinion which is not your own, or a fact that you have acquired from some source material.

There are also many conventions covering the use of a direct quote, which have to be followed when you directly quote someone, rather than paraphrasing them. Here is an example, adding the specific (fictional) number of the page containing the quoted material in the original manuscript:

Peterson (2014, p. 19) claims that “the conventions of the American Psychological Association (APA) are commonly used by essay writers.”

In the Reference List, at the end of the essay, Peterson’s paper might be listed, as follows (this is a fictional reference):

Peterson, J.B. (2014). Essay writing for writers. Journal of Essay Writing, 01, 15-24.

Different conventions hold for different types of source material such as webpages, books, and articles. All the details regarding APA style can be found at

Your instructor may have recommended, or demanded, use of a different set of conventions. Information about other techniques and rules can be found at

It is necessary to master at least one convention. The rules are finicky and annoying. However, they are necessary, so that readers know what writers are up to. Furthermore, you only have to learn them once, so bite the bullet and do it.

Copy your essay here again.

Add references where they are necessary. Then, add your reference list to the end of your essay. Make sure you construct both according to APA convention, or some other set of rules.


Now your essay is completed. Now you need to copy it into a new Word document, and format it properly.

That generally means double-spaced, with a title page, with a five space tab indent at the beginning of each paragraph. If you want to add subtitles, or section headers, their use is discussed in detail at . Additional useful information for style, including examples, can be found at . A video discussing such matters is available at .

If you got this far, good work. If you write a number of essays using this process, you will find that your thinking will become richer and clearer, and so will your conversation. There is nothing more vital to becoming educated, and there is nothing more vital than education to your future, and the future of those around you

Good luck with your newly organized and refreshed mind.

The Silver Lining

“It has been one hell of a month thus far. Seemingly random events that would otherwise seem completely irrelevant to one another all seem to have the same underlying message for the both of us (Kayden & Myself). Despite the most unfortunate and unwelcome circumstances, all of which were discomforting to us are starting to show the underlying interconnectedness of it all. As I sit on this grassy hill next to my best friend and Mentor; in the midst of all the grief there is an unspoken affinity we share: one of inner-standing and gratitude.We are growing into the Men we are meant to be. Our friendship and bond has never been greater. Our ability to handle our hardships in a healthy way is going to be the catalyst that leads to our next step.”
-Joseph “Lobes” Rudd
5-27-19 7:19pm

A Journal Entry written by my closest and oldest friend on the birthday of girlfriend. She passed away two days before this was written.

As someone who tries to mentally prepare for what I perceive as the worst possible outcome, the foundation on which I lay my life has to be virtually indestructible. I think that everyone has been completely blindsided by life, in one form or another. If you haven’t, then someone close to you almost certainly has. This is, quite frankly, one of the
worst things that can happen someone; and there are many different things that can cause this complete meltdown. It could be the death of a spouse, or the death of a child; but not necessarily. Something like a house fire could also be the root of it. But there is an equal (if not greater) chance that this will actually be caused by something within; if
not a combination of the two. For example; you and your spouse and child get into a car accident, totaling your vehicle and hospitalizing your child. The chain reaction of events then trigger the unconscious bomb. This could mean an emotional breakdown right then and there, or a two year affair and nasty divorce. Our perceptions of the world that we use as the foundation for the walls that we build in order to maintain our
feelings of security are more fragile than most of us know, and the ones who know only know because they lost everything. This foundation for most people throughout history has been religious and shamanic traditions, at least until the 20th century. The most incredible minds, like Nietzsche, and those who were influenced by his work, put the horror and bloodshed of the recent centuries at the feet of those who propagated this idea; which its repercussions are still being felt today with the radicalized Left and Postmodern influence, that has left a bad taste in the mouth of those who can see the signs. My only hope is that the realization of the illusory and hollow nature of their ideology will become more obvious the more people like Dr. Jordan Peterson complete evaporate their ‘arguments’ with the truth (and common sense!)

The way I see it, the worst thing that these lost souls may do; instead of looking within themselves (and everyone else) to find the divine spark of the creator, they will continue searching for it in the fallacies that have manipulated their perception in the first place. When this is brought up, people always like to say that Stalin was ‘worshiped’ in the Soviet Union; and while I wouldn’t argue with that, and I would also agree with the fact that it was the atheism and nihilism of the people that was the catalyst for the Soviet Revolution; what people constantly forget to mention is the degradation of the people’s moral integrity. But I think that this was actually just a symptom of a deeper problem: they stopped believing in the power of the truth. This is called, technically, Epistemological Nihilism (which I’ve mentioned in my previous post). With all of the problems that we have in the West with the deep state and the opioid epidemic; at least they still make the intelligence agents sign non-disclosure agreements.
What exactly does this mean? They know that the truth can set you free.

That is the reason why I try my best to hold the truth in the highest regard. I believe that the truth deserve the respect that you would give God, because the truth is God. I’ve always felt that the truth is quite simply what is. I that not what God is? In the book Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walche, it says that God is “Joy, Truth, and Love”. It also says that one couldn’t exist without the others, and one always leads to the next. Life has thrown me curve balls, and i’ve lost everything in the world that mattered to me; but that’s what I have had to fall back on: the Joy of having people that care about me, the Truth that everything happens the way it supposed to, and the Love of the people that I care about. From where I’m sitting, a society that turned it’s back on those principles can only lead to one place: Hell. Since that is the last place that I would like to be, I am making a conscious effort to do anything and everything in my power to keep me and the people that I love as far away from that as possible by putting the Truth first. There is always something positive you can take from a situation, and that is the TRUTH of it. Now if you sat down and thought about every horrible thing that’s happened to you, every seemingly accidental catastrophe that may have befallen you, and truly attempted to think about the “Silver Lining” of the situation; you just might be, not only the strongest, but possibly the wisest you that you could be.

Nihilism’s “Meaningless” Existence


Nihilism is the main ingredient for a recipe for absolute disaster and imminent destruction. As far as I can tell, Nihilism begins with shame. Not just any kind of shame; but a very deep kind of shame, that is rooted in lack of self-discipline and an abdication of culpability. There is something about having an aspiration, failing because you can’t get yourself together, and then blaming “the world”, so to speak. Nihilism starts with shame, becomes suffering, then when the suffering isn’t alleviated, that falls down to bitterness and resentment. When a resentful person can’t find answer’s to questions like, “why is this happening?” or “what’s the point?”, the person is beginning to take their first steps on the road to Nihilism.

The Road To Nihilism

When discussing Nihilism, it’s important to gain a full understanding of the word. Nietzsche said that Nihilism was “when the highest values devalue themselves. ‘Why?’ finds no answer”. Over the last couple centuries, the phenomenon of Nihilism has taken over generations, instigated the fall of empires; causing people from all classes and creeds an indescribable amount of misery and pain. This is rooted, as far as I can tell, in Atheism. When an Atheist is confronted, either willing or unwillingly, with the fact that suffering and death is intrinsic to the human experience, there next question is, “then, what’s the point?” It’s a valid question, and it’s not an easy one to answer. This is pessimism 101. If I had to write out an equation for Nihilism, it would go something like this:

(Lack of meaning+Pessimism)Atheism=Nihilism

There are actually 4 different kinds of Nihilism: Moral, Epistemological, Cosmic, and Existential. When the average people are talking about Nihilism, they are more than likely talking about 1.Existential Nihilism, which is the negating of any kind of meaning or purpose to ones life, or life in the general sense. 2.Cosmic Nihilism is the disavowing of intelligibility or value of nature, seeing it as indifferent or hostile to fundamental human concerns. 3.Epistemological Nihilism is the denial of Truth, in and of itself; or meanings not strictly confined within, or wholly relative to a single group, individual, or conceptual scheme. 4.Moral Nihilism is the denial of any sense of moral obligation, the objectivity of moral principles, or a moral viewpoint. When one begins denying any kind of objective realm, this can lead to 2-4, which almost inevitably leads to the first.

“A ‘scientific’ interpretation of the world…might therefore still be one of the most stupid of all possible interpretations of the world, meaning that it would be one of the poorest in meaning. This thought is intended for the ears and consciences of our mechanists who nowadays like to pass as philosophers and insist that mechanics is the doctrine of the first and last law in which all existence must be based as on the ground floor. But an essentially mechanical world would be an essentially meaningless world. Assuming that one estimated the value of a piece of music according to how much of it would be counted, calculated, and expressed in formulas: how absurd would such a ‘scientific’ estimation of music be! What would one have comprehended, understood, grasped of it? Nothing, really nothing of what is ‘music’ in it.” – The Gay Science by F. Nietzsche


The cure to Nihilism, from what I can tell, is living a meaningful life. Meaning is the intent to have a purpose, thus if life has a purpose which can be signified, or explained, that is what is considered a “meaningful life”. Traditionally, the way mankind has derived meaning out of a life filled with suffering and inevitable death was with what is called the “2 Worlds Theory”. This is the belief that there exists 2 worlds; either objective and subjective, or the Earth and the Kingdom of Heaven, or any other number of ways to look at it. The most popular of these was Christianity. All of these idea’s are based on “The Ascetic Ideal”. The Ascetic Ideal states that there is a “True” world, or a higher world, which exists as the domain of higher ideals; and the Earth, which would be the domain of lower ideals. This gave the believers something to strive and work for. The suffering of their life became something like an admission ticket to paradise. True world believer’s feel that their “real” self is not only from the true world, but it belongs in the true world as well; and this earthly reality was akin to a prison (Gnosticism).

There are three types of 2 world theories; Temporal, Monastic, and Eternal. The temporal theory is related to philosophies of history, and states that the true world is in the future. This theory assists historians in arriving at knowledge of past events by attempting to discern a general underlying pattern in history. This theory assumes that God providentially directs the course of events through history towards a definite goal; that goal being the manifestation of the Utopian True World.

The Monastic theory believes that individual self and God are identical, the first being an expression of the second. Hinduism is a good example of this. They believe that what people generally take to be reality is an illusion, and still everything that exists is still a manifestation and expression if the Brahman; nothing being separate from it. They also believe that the meaning of life is transcendence of the illusion; whether that be during life, or being a result of what was done in life.

The final, and most dominate, of the Two world theories is the Eternal theory. This theory states that the true world is the antithesis of this world, being perfect and permanent. The Earth is believed to be deficient. Although it exists simultaneously, it embodies the opposing energy. This theory also posits that the human soul exists independent of the body, which it transcends upon death. As you can tell, Christianity would be the best example of this.


These 2 world theories exist as an extremely positive antidote to nihilism. This is because it gives the person a sense of purpose and belonging. Once this happens, and the person willingly takes on the responsibility of applying these theories to their perspective, the meaning of life quickly becomes self-evident. Once this happens, fulfillment is inevitable. Happiness is not the thing to be searching for in the world, for several reasons. Most importantly of these reason’s is the fact that happiness comes from within. No one has ever achieved happiness from altering things outside of themselves. What needs to be made manifest on the outside is fulfillment. One thing that I’ve learned through my research into Meaning, is that nothing exists for no reason. Now, your job is to go out there and find exactly why you were meant to be here, and fulfill that promise to yourself, because that’s what destiny is: a spiritual promise to yourself and God to do the things that only you could do.

The Results of My Search for Meaning.

I’m pretty sure that every single person in the western world has made a New Year’s Resolution, at least once in there life. But the University of Scranton recently did a study where they found out that, “While 77 percent of people who committed to a New Year’s resolution stuck to it for at least a week…only eight percent of people who make New Year’s resolutions will actually fulfill those goals in a timely fashion—if ever.” If I am being honest, that doesn’t really surprise me.

This year I did something like a Resolution. It wasn’t exactly in that context, but doing mushrooms on New Year’s had a profound effect on me. My best friend and I promised ourselves and each other that we weren’t going to take anymore steps back; and staying still is stepping back. He didn’t even last 3 months. I actually had sever ties with him because of this.

This was because he was trying to use me as his life-jacket, and I can’t do that. I can’t risk my progress to pick up his slack. In the course of this I have created a very diligent plan for the next 3-5 years, down to the weeks, and I am sticking to it by any means necessary because I know that you can’t shoot for something if you don’t pinpoint your target.

All of this was extremely difficult for me. He was literally my closest and oldest friend, and I felt like I had just gotten him back after not really talking all that much over the last 5 five years. But it taught me something really important, that I can’t afford to sacrifice my progress in an effort to help someone, no matter how much I care for them. I thought that I could inspire him, but what actually happened is he projected all of his problems onto me, lowering my vibration to his level.

In the 2 months since I stopped talking to him, I’ve grown at an exponential level. I don’t even think that he would recognize me. I spend the majority of my days reading. Reading about how to make my writing better; how write better essays and blog posts; and even reading about what happens when you don’t get your self together and allow your morals to devolve as a result of it.

My new subjects, like morals and ethics, as well as having a sense of meaning in life, has taken a front seat in my life. This is beginning to change everything from my routine to my willingness to do things like stay up late. All of these things have culminated into a pretty crazy realization that I had a few days ago. Since I got clean, I felt a little bit directionless. I kept asking and praying for a sign post to point me where I should go. It took a long time, only because it was waiting for me to be ready, but it happened. And the more I realize and accept this fact, the faster and more precise my ability to manifest what I want in my life becomes. I really think that this is important and worth sharing. I truly believe that this is how one derives meaning from their life: by setting goals and taking on the responsibility of manifesting those things in your life.

Wholeness and balanced vibrations.

My 5 Year Plan Pt I: Book List

Last week I started planning and writing an outline for my goals for the next 5 years. One of the more ‘concrete’ goals is to read a book every month and write a Blog Post outlining the main point, and my personal impression of each book. I made a list of 55 books; that’s 11 books a year, which seems reasonable. This is the entire list:

I typed this list up last night before I went to sleep. If the author wasn’t listed in the file name, I didn’t put it. But if you are genuinely interested in a particular book or author, I’m sure a Bing! search would suffice.-

  • Montauk Revisited: Adventures in Synchronicities
  • The Perception Deception – David Icke
  • Po Pi Phi Psi: The IJK’s of Vortex Mathematics – Willie Johnson Jr
  • Ancient Art & Ritual – J.E. Harrison
  • Revolutionary Suicide – Huey P Newton
  • Anarchism & Other Essay’s – Emma Goldman
  • Cosmic Trigger – Robert Anton Wilson
  • The Game of Life – Timothy Leary
  • The Secret History of the World: As Told by Secret Societies – Mark Booth
  • The Life And Times of Grigorii Rasputin – Alex De Jonge
  • 12 Rules For Life by Dr Jordan Peterson
  • A Technique for Producing Ideas
  • Advice not Given: A Guide To Getting Over Your Self – Mark Epstein
  • Behave: The Biology OF Humans At Our Best & Our Worst – Robert M. Sapolsky
  • Why Government Doesn’t Work – Harry Browne
  • Shambala: The Sacred Path of The Warrior – Chogyam Trungpa
  • The American Indian & The Occult – Christopher Dane
  • 101 Things To Do ‘Till The Revolution – Claire Wolfe
  • Common – On Revolution In The 21st Century
  • The Secret Language of Symbols: A Visual Key to Symbols & Their Meanings – David Fontana
  • Do It Yourself: A Handbook For Changing Our World
  • Get Things Done: What Stops Smart People Achieving More and How You Can Change
  • Cause, Principle, and Unity & Other Essay’s On Magick – G. Bruno
  • History of Israel and Palestine
  • Mysteriorum Liber Tertius: Five Books of Mystery – John Dee
  • Arcane Schools – John Yarker
  • The Priesthood of the Jlles – Jordan Maxwell
  • Demanding The Impossible: A history of Anarchism – Peter Marshall
  • Judges, Lawyers, and Other Destroyers – L. Martin
  • Meditation: Coming To Know Your Mind – Matteo Pistono
  • Meditation For Fidgety Skeptics – Dan Harris
  • My Inventions- The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla
  • The Secret of The Universe – Nathan Wood
  • New Maps of Hyperspace – Terrence Mckenna
  • Dimensions of Mystery (Unpublished Manuscript) – Otis Carr
  • Panic Rules: Everything You Need To Know About The Global Economy
  • The Power of Israel In The U.S. by James Petras
  • Techniques of Modern Shamanism: Vol 1-3 – Phil Hine
  • Prisoner Without A Name, Cell Without A Number
  • Problems of Knowledge and Freedom – The Russell Lecture
  • Secret Teachings of The society of Jesus
  • Start The Heart: Igniting Hope in School Through Social and Emotional Learning
  • Food of the Gods by Terrence Mckenna
  • The Art and Skill of Buddhist Meditation: Mindfulness, Concentration and Insight – Richard Shankman
  • The Attention Revolution: Unlocking The Power of The Focused Mind Alan B. Wallace
  • The Book of Secrets – Daniel Pineda
  • The Calm Center: Reflections & Meditations – Steve Taylor
  • The Creative Mind: Myths & Mechanisms
  • The Electric Universe – Wal Thornhill
  • The Genius of Being: Contemplating The Profound Intelligence of Existence – Peter Ralston
  • The Leap: The Psychology of Spiritual Awakening – Steve Taylor
  • The Urban Monk: Eastern Wisdom & Modern Hacks To Stop Time & Find Success, Happiness, & Peace – Pedram Shojai
  • The Gulag Archipelago (Books I-III) – A. Solzhenitsyn
  • The Natural Laws of The Universe: Spirits, Spirituality, & Binary/Trinary Systems
  • All The Names of The Lord – Valentina Izmerlieva
  • Numbers: Their Occult Power & Mystic Virtue – W. Wynn Westcott
  • The Secret of Dreams – Yacki Raizizun
  • A People’s History of The United States of America – Howard Zinn
  • Declarations of Independence: Cross-Examining American Ideology – Howard Zinn

Over the last 5 years I have diligently searched the internet and acquired a library that is overwhelming to say the least. It has exceeded well over a thousand. What I have learned recently is the only way to make my way through them is make a legitimate plan and sticking to it. So what I will do later in the week is plan out the books that I’ll read over the next 4 months, and give a more detailed synopsis of the books. I literally picked the books by their name. I had a little bit of background knowledge on several of the books, usually because I started it and then got distracted with something else before I was able to get into them.

Comment and tell me your thoughts, or if you would like me to update you periodically, let me know. I appreciate you.

“I leave you in the Light and the Love of the One Infinite Creator…”

-Ra, A Humble Messenger of The Law of One